


Overthinking It

by Liviania



Category: Kick-Ass (2010)
Genre: Bisexuality, F/M, Hand Jobs, Impolitically Correct Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 18:37:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviania/pseuds/Liviania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Lizewski never wondered if he was gay until Katie thought he was and he managed to keep up the impression without much effort.  Even then, it wasn't so much wondering if he was gay as wondering why she thought he was gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overthinking It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flugantamuso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flugantamuso/gifts).



> Many thanks to my beta [Morbane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Morbane/pseuds/Morbane) without whom this piece would have been much worse. Her insights were invaluable and I'm sorry I didn't have more time for revision. Any SPG errors are my own.
> 
> I hope I don't offend my recipient, who wanted slash, too much. I'm always concerned with how the relationship with the canon love interest is resolved. That was the beginning of this story, although certainly not what it's about. (Apparently, I'm the first person on AO3 to write about Katie.)

Dave Lizewski never wondered if he was gay until Katie thought he was and he managed to keep up the impression without much effort. Even then, it wasn't so much wondering if he was gay as wondering why she thought he was gay.

(At least it meant she never noticed him staring at her boobs.)

But then he retired from being Kick-Ass. All the sudden he was no longer staying out all hours of the night patrolling the city. Instead, he was inside, unable to readjust his biological clock and thus lying in bed mulling things over instead of sleeping. Sometimes he played internet poker, but he was awful at it. Thus, he spent more of his time lost in thought to preserve his ego. Instead, Dave suspected that the all-night introspection sessions might drive him insane.

He grabbed his phone and called his most trusted advisor before he could think about it. "Mindy, do you think I'm gay?"

"I think you're a pussy." No trace of tiredness in her voice. Mindy didn't sleep much either. "I prefer not to think about you and sex. It puts me off ever having it myself. You want to come over and learn how to gut a man with a Bowie knife?"

"I thought Marcus took your weapons away?" Dave asked, startled. Hit Girl was dangerous enough to the school bullies without being armed.

"He thinks he did. And that's what he's going to continue to think, Lame-Ass." Mindy hung up on him, as she usually did.

 

He next brought it up while drinking milkshakes at the comic shop with Marty and Todd. "You guys never thought I was gay, did you?" He tried to suck casually at his milkshake, but it was too thick. So he casually scooped out a spoonful of strawberry while waiting for the guys' reply.

His friends exchanged a glance before shaking their heads. "You were surprisingly willing to go along with it, dude," Marty said eventually.

"Yeah, but we never thought you were going to go all Northstar on us."

"Why would I confess to being gay in the middle of a fight?"

"Why did Northstar do it?"

The guys were mostly unhelpful, although Dave found their knowledge of gay comic book characters kind of suspicious. He'd never even heard of Frostbite and Off-Ramp.

 

For awhile, Dave was able to push the question to the back of his mind. But considering Katie was the person who made him start questioning himself in the first place, he couldn't resist talking to her about it. He just had to wait for the right time. Dave turned his head to look at Katie. He reached up and brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. "Hey Katie?" he asked.

"Yeah?" she mumbled, turning towards him and setting her nail file on her nightstand.

"Why'd you think I was gay?"

She smiled slyly. "I don't think you're gay now," she replied, moving her hand under the covers to stroke his cock.

He gasped, momentarily distracted, then rallied for a moment. "But -"

"It's kind of embarrassing," she said, still moving her hand. "It was really prejudiced of me." She leaned forward to kiss him, then continued, "You just seemed so . . . lost and stuck on the outside. Non-threatening." She laughed. "I was really wrong, wasn't I? I mean, it's not like gay people are all like one thing and straight people another." She kissed him again. "Plus, you really like these," she said, using her free hand to place his hands on her breasts. And that was enough to make him come. Surely he wouldn't come that quickly if he didn't like girls.

She looked at her hand, grimacing briefly before wiping it on a towel she kept on the nightstand while they were in bed together. "You could be bisexual. Those exist." She leaned back a little, definitely paying attention to him now. "So, are you going to return the favor, Lizewski?"

 

Now Dave couldn't turn off his confusion, even in school. He'd heard of bisexuality, but it seemed too trendy to apply to Dave Lizewski. And that was when he ran into Chris D'Amico. If by 'ran into' you mean 'knocked the guy over.' Dave hadn't tried to speak to Chris after that one day in the comic shop. He especially hadn't tried after looking up information on the man he'd killed to save Mindy. It just seemed wrong for a criminal mastermind to be someone's dad. Fortunately, Chris hadn't been in school much since his dad died because Dave was unable to forget, whenever he looked at Chris, that he killed his dad. He didn't regret it. Hit Girl meant far more to him than some crime lord. But he'd still killed one of his classmates' dads, and that meant something.

(Dave wasn't sure what. That was something he tried not to think about, at night.)

"Did you ever think —?" Dave began to ask, right after he plowed into Chris three feet from their shared English class. He really needed to start obsessing over something else if he was going to start polling random people for their opinions.

Chris paused in the process of picking his backpack off the floor. He glared at Dave, then signaled to his new bodyguard to push Dave out of his way. Who even has a bodyguard in high school?

When Dave walked into English, Chris was already sitting down. He looked up at Dave and sneered.

Marty and Todd were also already in class, sitting on either side of Dave's usual chair. "What's up?" Marty asked.

"So, what do you guys know about bisexual superheroes?"

 

Three days later, Dave was watching the news with his dad when the screen turned to snow. "I thought TVs didn't do that anymore?" Dave asked, already grabbing the remote to see if he could fix the picture.

Then it resolved into the face of some guy wearing a weird orange mask.

"I'm the Mother Fucker," he said, "You might have previously known me as Red Mist. And, now I'm the new boss in town. Where's your precious Kick-Ass and Hit Girl?" The camera panned to show a small lumber warehouse built after Frank D'Amico's death. It was one of many companies trying to gain a share of the industry before Chris could take the reins of his father's company and rebuild his wooden empire. "Where were they when a local businessman and several of his workers were brutally murdered?"

The building exploded.

"Oh yeah, they killed him. Kick-Ass and Hit Girl are murderers. They killed Frank D'Amico, an innocent businessman. Now my revenge for him has begun." The television snowed again.

Dave swallowed, and thought of being in Red Mist's Mustang. Getting high and shooting the shit. He would've liked to ask Red Mist if he thought Kick-Ass was gay. If he thought Kick-Ass was interesting. Attractive.

He wanted to punch the Mother Fucker in his stupid mask, make fun of his name, and then yell at him for turning out to be a supervillain.

His phone beeped. He glanced at it - it was a text from Mindy.

"Marcus tells me I'm not supposed to do anything. The police will take care of it."

Another beep. "Fuck that. Costumes in twenty. I'll pick you up."

Another beep. "Seriously, the Mother Fucker? It's almost as bad as Kick-Ass."

Dave smiled at his phone, then turned to look at his dad. "Hey, I'm gonna go work on some homework with Katie, okay?"

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" his dad asked, slapping him on the back. "Don't stay out too late, kid."

Dave went up to his room, faltering briefly. What would Katie think about him going out again? She worried so much, especially since she knew what could go wrong when Dave was patrolling. Her work at the needle exchange exposed her to the parts of society most people liked to ignore. Hell, it made her a criminal now that needle exchanges were banned. And Red Mist had come close to killing him before. Even if he had pleaded with the goons to let Dave go, back at the safe house.

Dave wished, once more, that Red Mist really had been his friend and fellow hero.

He was still wondering when Hit Girl came through his window.

"Why aren't you dressed? C'mon. We've got a motherfucker to kill."

"Do we - "

"He killed Big Daddy," Hit Girl said, cutting him off. Betraying their location to those guys was the same as setting Big Daddy on fire, in her eyes. "He dies." She flipped one of her balisongs. "He dies."

Dave looked down at his costume. It was damaged. He hadn't repaired it after that night. He traced one of the holes. In his damaged costume, he might look as silly as the Mother Fucker in his mask.

"I'm right behind you," he told her.

He left his phone on his desk.

(He loved Katie. He wasn't gay.)

(Although, it seemed bisexual superheroes at least had a better survival rate than gay ones. That was a good sign.)

**Author's Note:**

> All three superheroes mentioned by Marty and Todd are real.
> 
> The Mother Fucker really is what Red Mist starts going by in canon.
> 
> Dave doesn't put two-and-two together regarding Red Mist's identity, because this is comic book land, where even the smallest mask is impenetrable.
> 
> Needle exchanges were banned again in the US this month. (December 2011, for posterity.) Despite being banned until the late '00's, needle exchanges were active in 48 states.


End file.
